Quipping Queen

Current

• Quipping Queen & Empress of Eccentricity at QUEENDOM OF QUIRKY

Past

• Patroness of Pith & Vinegar at PLISKIES, PLONK & ASSOCIATES
• Lady of Leisure at LOLLYGAGGERS LIMITED

Education

• The Creative Loafing Institute
• The University of the Bleeding Obvious

Industry

Writing and Editing

Quipping Queen’s Summary

Being a Monarch of Mirth requires many years of discipline and training to endure the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, (most commonly inflicted by myopic long bow enthusiasts and disgruntled royal pains in the butt), not to mention the political acumen required to shift any negative feedback onto the broad shoulders of dutiful dukes and doting duchesses in addition to anyone else who wishes to curry my favor.

This patently pretentious yet prestigious position also requires the following cutting-edge skills and mission-critical talents:

-- Handing out tacky tokens of affection and titillating titles (to high performance athletes, aging rock stars, and other sundry souls whose self-esteem could use a big boost.)

-- Being regal and being comfortable with pomp and circumstance, (which more often than not assumes the ability of a monarch to 1) wear a crown on one's head without complaining or letting it fall off, 2) carry a sceptre which comes in handy when putting pugnacious people in their place, and 3) read a speech from the throne in a monotone voice, so as not to alarm members of the general public or disturb snoozing elected officials.)

-- Wearing a cheery smile, waving in a grand manner, and riding in a horse-drawn carriage from time to time on ceremonial occasions like Mirthful Mavens Day, the Mad Hatter's Birthday Party, and Big Bonfire Day (which reminds loyal subjects of the realm why they need an incontrovertibly indulgent, ingratiating, and inconoclastic constitutional monarch like me.)

Quipping Queen’s Specialties:

-- Making incredibly entertaining small talk at royal dinner parties in order to put hapless heads of state at ease.

-- Wearing fashionable waterproof wellyboots, whilst parading about with a pack of pesky hunting dogs in the Scottish Highlands.

-- Signing royal decrees with an ostrich-feather-ploomed quill, (without knocking over a diamond-studded inkwell).

-- Listening intently to prattling politicians, preachers and puck stars tell me how to walk on water or skate on thin ice.

Quipping Queen’s Experience

• Quipping Queen & Empress of Eccentricity

  QUEENDOM OF QUIRKY

  (Privately Held; Government Relations industry)

  January 1900 — Present (110 years )

  Being "Quipping Queen & Empress of Eccentricity" in the Queendom of Quirky gives me a unique perspective on a world of full of wisdom, wit and wonk, (plus oodles of time to play my favorites games: croquet, marbles, and tiddlywinks).

• Patroness of Pith & Vinegar

  PLISKIES, PLONK & ASSOCIATES

  (Privately Held; Law Practice industry)

  July 1995 — July 2007 (12 years 1 month)

  As "Patroness of Pith & Vinegar" at Pliskies, Plonk & Associates, (a firm of professional pettyfoggers), I enjoyed the rare and unique opportunity of being the subject of grapevine gossip, (which probably accounts for why I preferred tasting dry wit over dry martinis than attending tediously taxing whine and cheese networking events).

• Lady of Leisure

  LOLLYGAGGERS LIMITED

  (Privately Held; Leisure, Travel & Tourism industry)

  April 1966 — June 1995 (29 years 3 months)

  As "Lady of Leisure" at Lollygaggers Limited, I was not required to do much other than chat up prospective clients about important places to avoid when planning a trip around the world, (such as swamps with alligators in them, caves inhabited by fire-breathing dragons, and hidey-holes where humongous heffalumps tend to hang out creating one heck-of-a-lot of hubble-bubble).

Quipping Queen’s Education

• The Creative Loafing Institute

  M.A. , Bafflegab and Balderdash , 1965 — 1967

  Activities and Societies:

  The Grand Cabal of Able-Bodied Sedentarians, Monarchs of Merry-Making & Mirth, The Ripsnorting Repository of Resolute Optimists, Guardians of the Great Horn Spoon, Fee-Faw-Fo-Fummers Society, The Honorable Order of Wags & Wellyboots

• The University of the Bleeding Obvious

  B.A. , Intergalactic Arts & Science , 1960 — 1964

  Activities and Societies:

  Completed a number of helpful hands-on courses such as "How to Type in the Kalahari Desert", "How to Avoid Death by Pastry", "How to Spot Extreme Dinosaurs", "Household Hints: Maisy Donnington's Cheese Etiquette", and "How to Visit Venus by Catapult".

Additional Information

Quipping Queen’s Interests:

Fun facilitation; musing about missteps, misstatements, and mix-ups; wired wit and wisdom, and laughter yoga

Quipping Queen’s Groups:

The Society for the Prevention of Potty Personalities, The International Order of the Tub-and-Sword, The Mystic Alliance of Gorgeous Regalians

Quipping Queen’s Honors:

"Grand Punjandrum" (from the folks at Wordlab.com for making more than 5,000 contributions to their creative naming forum)

"Lens of the Day" (by the editors of Squidoo.com for putting together a topic entitled, "2008 Year of the Rat")

"MacLean Method of Writing Certificate" (presented by my Grade 2 teacher).

Quipping Queen’s Contact Settings

Interested In:

• consulting offers
• new ventures
• expertise requests
• getting back in touch